Opheliac
by MidnightRain6593
Summary: "Did you ever think that the people closest always walk all over you because they know you'd accept it and still stay loyal to them no matter what?" A chill went down her spine because for a split-second she thought he was right and it was terrifying.
1. A Plank of Reason

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making a profit from this. Characters, etc. all belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: Last night's episode broke my heart in ways I can't even begin to describe and…while this fic will technically be a Bonnie/Kol fic, it will be VERY much Bonnie-centric.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>And then a Plank of Reason broke,<p>

And I dropped down, and down—

And hit a World at every plunge,

And finished knowing—then—

-Emily Dickinson, "I Felt a Funeral in My Brain"

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><p>Tonight, something inside Bonnie Bennett had been irrevocably broken.<p>

As she sat on Caroline's bed, staring at her mother's dead—soon to be undead—body, she had no idea what to do.

Should she be crying? Would it be better to be her usual efficient self and just keep working on _something?_

"Hey," Caroline whispered softly, climbing onto the bed next to Bonnie. "We'll get through this," the blonde vampire assured her, enfolding the heartbroken girl in her arms. "I promise."

Bonnie didn't respond because, really, what was there she could possibly say? It _wasn't_ going to be alright. Abby was going to be a vampire or refuse to transition like Caroline's father and pass on. Either way, she lost her mother a second time.

Life wasn't fair, but it seemed to have a tendency to be especially unfair to her. She was just starting to make a break through with her mother, finally starting to see the potential in maybe having a relationship, finally having the chance to have a mother, and now…it was all _gone._

"I hear someone coming up the steps…I think it's Elena," Caroline told her.

Bonnie shook her head before managing to choke out, "Please…don't let her in. I can't…" She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Okay," Caroline said understandingly, getting up to head Elena off at the door.

Despite her better judgment, Bonnie crept to the doorway of the bedroom, eavesdropping on the conversation.

"…and if Bonnie needs some time to deal, then I think you need to give it to her."

"She's always been there for me, Caroline," Elena said. "Please, let me just be there for her too."

In that moment, Bonnie was almost tempted to run into Elena's arms and cry it out as if that would somehow fix everything. It wouldn't, though. It wouldn't fix _anything._

As much as she didn't want to blame Elena (and, on some level, she knew it wasn't _entirely_ Elena's faulty. Not intentionally, anyway), but she couldn't just push her feelings away anymore.

If Elena hadn't gone off with Elijah, she wouldn't have been put in the hostage situation and none of it would have happened. The Originals would have been dead and then they could have gone back to trying to have some sort of shabby semblance of a normal life.

Why didn't Elena just _listen_ to her?

It wasn't like Elena had asked for everything that had happened, but it didn't change the facts. As much as it hurt, Bonnie wasn't even sure if she was capable of looking at the brunette.

"I'm sorry, Elena." Bonnie could imagine the look of sympathy on Caroline's face, but she knew that the baby vampire would respect her wishes and not let Elena in.

"I know that you want to help," Caroline continued, "But put yourself in her shoes. Everything that happened tonight was to save you." Bonnie was sure that Elena's face was now a mask of hurt and surprise.

"And that's okay, because she loves you _so much_, but somehow…she's always the one that gets hurt," Caroline finished.

That comment felt like it had reached out and squeezed Bonnie's heart. She knew it must have felt like a sucker punch to Elena, but it was the truth.

"You…you know, you're right. I just…" Elena trailed off. "Just tell her that I love her, okay?"

Bonnie couldn't help but start to cry at that.

Why did everything constantly have to be so fucked up? Why did _their_ lives always have to be so fucked up?

That line of thought was cut short when she heard a sudden gasp in the room. Abby was awake.

Bonnie didn't even know where to begin, so all the words came stumbling out at rapid speed in chocking sobs.

"Abby, I'm so sorry! Stefan and Damon came…they wanted to stop Esther from channeling us so Rebekah wouldn't kill Elena. I told them that we couldn't just stop it, so they…I tried to stop it, but…but it was all too fast…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

Through the blur of her tears, she could see the look of horror on Abby's face.

"Bonnie—" Caroline came rushing into the room.

It was like all the walls were closing in on her.

"I can't," she said, scrambling to get off the bed, almost tripping over her own feet. "I'm sorry…I just…" Before she even knew what she was doing, she was wrenching open the front door and stumbling into the cold night air, ignoring Caroline crying out her name. She just really hoped the blonde didn't follow her.

It wasn't hard to ignore the cold air and the fact that she had no idea where she was going with all the thoughts racing through her head.

Was Abby going to allow herself to turn? Judging by the utter look of horror, Bonnie would say not. Bonnie would have never allowed it.

What about Jamie? God, what the hell was she supposed to say to him? Abby was more of a mother to him than she was.

" _Sorry, I had to go find her and get her help even though I'd been doing fine for the past fifteen years. Oh, yeah, by the way, she also got killed and turned by the two vampires I was stupid enough to actually trust. Sorry. That sort of stuff has a tendency to happen around me all the time."_

She stopped walking, clutching at her tear-stained face, trying to calm her hysteric sobs.

_Nothing has felt this bad since Grams…_

Every time she closed her eyes, the scenario played out in her head. Stefan talking to her, her pleading for her own life, the loud crack of Abby's neck breaking. God, she had _never_ felt so helpless…not since she had finally started getting a grasp on her powers. Yet, in all of a matter of seconds she was rendered completely and utterly at their mercy and she couldn't have done anything to save her mother.

Stefan and Damon…they had never been friends and she knew that if it came down to her and Elena, it would always be Elena, but that didn't make the betrayal sting any less.

"Rough night?" An accented voice said from behind her.

Bonnie spun around, coming face to face with the Original she recognized as Kol.

"Get the hell away from me?" Bonnie snapped.

"No need to be so hostile," he replied with a mocking frown. "Especially when I'm here to help you."

"Help me?" Bonnie asked through gritted teeth. "If by help, you mean setting yourself on fire repeatedly so I don't have to waste then energy, then by all means, go ahead."

He actually had the nerve to smirk at that one. "See, I was planning on skipping town earlier, but with my _dear_ mother and Finn gone, I figured I might as well stick around and cause some trouble for those damn Salvatore brothers."

Bonnie was definitely not in the mood for any of this tonight.

"Look, if you're going to stand here and divulge your diabolical master plan like the idiot I'm sure you are, don't."

"Let me finish," he chided her. "I thought that if anyone around her held a grudge against Elena's man-candy, it would be you. I mean, killing your mother…it doesn't get much more personal than that."

"They turned her," Bonnie corrected.

"And do you really complete the transition, Bonnie? In my vast experience, witches-turned-vampires never last all too well."

"I'm not helping you kill the Salvatores," Bonnie replied, ignoring the little voice in her head that was saying, _they do deserve it, though._ She turned away and kept walking.

"And why not?" he asked, flash-stepping in front of her, causing her to abruptly stop before her face smacked into his chest.

"Because I don't do the whole revenge thing," Bonnie snapped, trying walk around Kol, but he blocked her path again.

"Maybe that's your problem," he told her. "Did you ever think that the people closest always walk all over you because they know you'd accept it and still stay loyal to them no matter what?"

Right, then a chill went down her spine because for a split-second, she actually thought he was right, which was terrifying as all hell.

"Look, I have had a very bad night, which you are partially responsible for, so believe me when I tell you I am all of five seconds away from setting your ass on fire," Bonnie snapped.

"You should probably save that for the people you're _really_ angry at right now," he said with a smirk. The smug bastard knew he had just gotten under her skin.

Bonnie opened her mouth for a rebuttal, but he cut her off. "Tell you what, why don't you just think about it? Don't take too long, though. I'm known for being quite fickle." And with that, Kol stalked away.

She was about to call after him to tell him that she didn't need time to think that she wasn't going to do it, but that little voice in her head stopped her.

_Why wouldn't you want to get rid of the Salvatore brothers once and for all? It's not like they killed only __**your**__ loved ones._

And the usual answer to that would be something along the lines of Elena. Because it would hurt Elena. Because Elena wouldn't want her to.

_Do you even care anymore?_

She wasn't so sure she did anymore.

Was it worth eating right out of the devil's hand, though?

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><p><strong>AN: I started this Thursday right after the episode and tried to get it out Friday, but just wasn't able to, but I finally did. Quite frankly, I'm disgusted with what happened during that episode and I just want to see Bonnie kill everyone…**

**The title of this fic comes from an Emilie Autumn song, also title 'Opheliac'. It's in reference to the character Ophelia from Shakespeare's "Hamlet" and basically describes a descent into madness after betrayal. The poem at the beginning also describes going mad. Really morbid, huh?**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. A Bottle Marked 'Poison'

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making any profit from this. Characters, etc. belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: I was really amazed by the positive response I got for this! Thanks so much to those who read and/or left lovely reviews!**

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><p>"If you drink much from a bottle marked 'Poison',<p>

It is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later."

-Lewis Carroll, _Alice's Adventures In Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass_

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><p>After her run-in with Kol, Bonnie eventually stumbled her way back to Caroline's home where the blonde vampire and Abby were waiting for her. It took only one look at Abby to confirm that she wasn't going to make the transition and Bonnie honestly couldn't blame her for it.<p>

"Uhm…I'll just give you guys some alone time…" Caroline said, backing out of the room uncertainly.

"Thanks Caroline," Bonnie replied with a small, sad smile.

"I called Jamie. He's on his way, but he won't be here for a few hours," Abby told the younger witch after Caroline was gone.

Bonnie nodded silently. Of course she would call Jamie. Abby was more of a mother to Jamie than she ever was—ever will be—ever _could_ be—to Bonnie.

She quickly pushed that resentment down. What did it matter anymore? Jamie deserved his chance to say goodbye more than she did.

With a heavy sigh, Bonnie sat down next to Abby on the bed.

"I'm so sorry this happened," Bonnie told her, trying to blink back the tears that welled in her eyes again. "If I hadn't let Stefan distract me, then maybe I could have—"

"No," Abby said, shaking her head and taking ahold of her daughter's small hand. "It's not your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done."

"I don't suppose I can say anything to change your mind about transitioning," Bonnie said quietly, using her free hand to pick at some of the loose threads on her shirt.

"Would you ever agree to make the transition?" Abby asked her daughter.

"No," Bonnie replied instantly. "I mean, I guess it's okay for some people. Caroline did just fine…but I couldn't ever picture it for myself."

They fell into silence, neither knowing what to say.

"Do you…do you need me to get you anything?" Bonnie asked, moving to stand up.

"No," Abby replied, grabbing onto Bonnie's arm to keep her put. "No, can you just stay here and talk to me? I know it's too little too late, but please just talk to me? Tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything, anything…just tell me what you want to tell me."

So Bonnie told her about the time she broke her wrist when she was five after jumping off a swing, ignoring Elena's warnings. She talked about her first boyfriend, Scott Jones, even though that was in the eighth grade and didn't exactly count. She told her how scared she was when she first started high school and how Caroline roped her into joining the cheerleading team. She told her how Grams taught her how to drive because her dad was too busy to do it, but she doesn't tell her how he was never around and that she always thought that it was because she looked too much like her mother and it hurt him.

While she was telling her mother about when she started becoming a witch and how scared she was and how Grams helped her to get through it when she hears Caroline open the door and talk in a hushed voice to who she assumed was Jamie.

"I'll just leave you two alone," Bonnie said when Jamie entered the room.

"No," Abby said. "You're both my family. Stay."

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><p>Abby's funeral was an extremely low-key affair in the Bennett family plot in Salem, Massachusetts with just Jamie and Bonnie in attendance.<p>

She did her best to help Jamie with the arrangements, having some knowledge of all the necessary things that needed to be taking care of from when Grams died. She left most of the choices like the inscription on the headstone up to him, though.

_**Abby Bennett-Wilson**_

_**1970-2010**_

_**Beloved Mother**_

She couldn't even find the strength to be bothered by the words 'beloved mother'. Abby may not have been _her_ beloved mother, but she had been mother to someone else. Someone who was in much more pain than her.

Abby's last words were still haunting her, repeating themselves over and over again like one of Grams' old records that had broken.

"_I'm sorry I was never the mother you deserved, Bonnie."_

"I'm so sorry," Bonnie told Jamie, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Of course, you didn't," he told her softly. "She didn't blame you and I don't, so don't blame yourself."

_I don't,_ she said to herself silently. _Not entirely, anyway._

She was still mulling Kol's preposition over in her head. Every time she thought about, she could feel the trepidation heavily settling in her veins like lead.

"Stay in touch, okay?" He asked her, pressing a small slip of paper into her palm with a phone number written on it. "If you ever need help…"

"Thanks," she replied sincerely. She can't remember the last time when someone who was practically a stranger had been so nice to her.

When she finally got back to Mystic Falls early the next morning, she went straight home to her empty house. Her father was away on one of his business trips as usual. He would never notice that she was gone in the first place. Hell, she could probably backpack across Europe for months on end and he wouldn't question it.

She locked herself in her room, despite the fact that no one else was home and there really wasn't a point and then laid down on her bed, not really knowing what to do with herself.

A quick glance at her phone told her that she had missed dozens of calls from Caroline and Elena and had about a billion unread texts. She shut her phone off and threw it onto the nightstand. She simply didn't have the energy to deal with anybody at the moment.

She felt more tired than she could ever remember feeling her entire life, so she curled up underneath her blankets without bothering to change out of yesterday's clothes and closed her eyes.

Her dreams are filled with angry vampires, the graves of dozens of dead witches, and a tempting offer that she didn't know if she should take or not.

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><p>A week later, Bonnie was sitting at the <em>Grille<em>, trying to focus on homework that she had a feeling probably wouldn't get done anyway.

Going to Mystic Falls' one and only hotspot probably hadn't been the brightest idea, but there was just something to be alone but not being alone by yourself.

Matt had been kind, pouring her a cup of coffee and offering his brief yet sincere condolences (Caroline had told him about what had happened to Abby). He also knew her well enough to leave it at that and give her space.

She had blankly been staring at a Trig problem that made absolutely no sense (probably because she either never paid attention in class or simply didn't go to class) when the hairs on the back of her neck raise up and she almost shivers.

When she turned around, she saw Kol standing at the bar. With a wicked grin, he raised his glass to her in a toast before downing it.

She quickly whipped around to go back to staring at her Trig. She would have assumed that he had lost all interest in bringing her into his little diabolical plan since it had been over a week since he first brought it up.

Bonnie knew that he would eventually make his way over to her table to accost her once again. He may have claimed to be fickle, but she had a feeling that he was actually like a dog who didn't know how to let go of a damn bone.

"Hello, Bonnie," his said in that lilting voice of his as he took a seat across from her. He pushed placed a glass of strong-smelling liquor in front of her. "Have you given thought to my…suggestion?"

Bonnie stared at the glass of alcohol. As tempting as it seemed right now, she wasn't planning on drinking it. One glass probably wouldn't make her tipsy, but why risk it?

"I have," she replied quietly. She looked over to the other tables and sees Matt looking at her clearly concerned. She knew that he knew she could take care of herself, though, and he would be better off without intervening and risk the chance of getting his hand crushed once again.

"And?" he probed, clearly impatient for her answer.

She was silent for a moment, still contemplating her answer. It was the same constant battle in her head over and over and over again.

She wanted Damon and Stefan out of her life. Out of everybody's life.

Did she want them dead?

That was the real question. Once upon a time, she did…well, she wanted Damon dead, anyway. She thought she had grown out of it, she had trusted them. They had fucked that up in a matter of seconds.

_And it will continue to be a never-ending cycle,_ Bonnie thought to herself. _And maybe it's time to end that cycle._

She could feel herself on the edge of a precipice. It was that moment where you knew you were about to tumble over and you couldn't do anything but hope that the fall wouldn't kill you.

"I just have one condition," she said finally.

Kol raised his eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

"No one else gets hurt besides _them."_

She just sat there and watched as a predatory smile formed on his lips while he raised his glass in another toast.

She doesn't bother to raise her glass to meet his. Instead, she took the alcohol down in a few quick gulps and enjoyed the burning sensation while he wickedly smirked at her.

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><p><strong>AN: This is pretty slow-paced and short, I know. That was sort of intentional since I'm still setting the stage, but I'm hoping the future chapters will pick up the pace a bit and be longer (hopefully). See, the small problem is that I know exactly where I want this to go (I have the last chapter written out and everything), but I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to get there…  
><strong>

**Thanks so much for reading!**


	3. Ask No Questions

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making a profit from this. Characters, etc. belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: As always, I really appreciate those of you who read this and/or left me such positive responses! **

**Oh, and I don't know if it's really necessary to say this because I think that it's pretty obvious, but this is totally AU from TVD's storyline right now (i.e. none of that 'there's another White Oak Tree', no Sage, or any of that crap)**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies."<p>

-Oliver Goldsmith

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><p>When a furious pounding on the front door broken between intervals of an incessantly ringing doorbell awoke Bonnie the next morning, she assumed that Matt must've told somebody about the little scene that had taken place between her and Kol last night. Bonnie groaned and tried to burrow herself deeper into her bed, ignoring the knocks.<p>

"Bonnie," she could hear Caroline yelling, "If you don't open this door within the next thirty seconds, I'm not responsible for any damage done to it!"

That certainly got Bonnie up and moving.

"Caroline," Bonnie croaked tiredly, clinging to the edge of the front door.

"I'm sorry. I know you haven't really wanted to deal with anybody lately and I totally understand that because of everything that happened, but Matt said he saw you with Kol last night and I just needed to come make sure that you were okay," the blonde babbled. "You are okay, right? Well, that's a stupid question…I meant—"

"I'm fine Caroline," Bonnie said, shaking her head.

"Are you sure? Because this Kol guy is just—"

"It was no big deal, Caroline," Bonnie cut in. "He threatened me, I threatened him. You know, the usual stuff."

It took an effort not to burst out laughing at that last part, at the insanity of it all. The usual stuff. Her life was reduced to the point where threats were normal.

"Okay," Caroline said, clearly taking the hint. "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"As okay as can be expected," Bonnie replied with a small nod and a sad little smile.

"Bonnie?"

"Yes, Caroline?"

"I know you're really upset and angry over what happened to Abby and I understand that…we all do, but…and…and I know it's not like you, but…you're not going to do anything crazy, right?"

Right then, the utter sincerity in Caroline's face and voice made Bonnie wanted to blurt everything out. She wanted to tell her about what she was planning, about how she was crazy enough to work with the craziest original, about everything. But she couldn't. She _wouldn't._

"No, of course not," Bonnie lied. The words left a bad taste on her tongue.

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><p>Caroline wasn't the only visitor she had that day.<p>

When she heard the knock on the door, she hadn't planned on answering. She assumed that it was just Elena or somebody. She still wasn't quite ready to face the brunette yet.

"I know you're home, little witch," an accented voice called playfully from the other side of the door.

_Kol,_ Bonnie thought. She still contemplated ignoring him. She shouldn't have agreed to their little partnership. It was crazy. Downright crazy. Absolutely nothing short of crazy.

_You're entire life is crazy, _she thought dryly. _What would be the harm in adding a little more?_

She didn't want an answer to that question.

Bonnie grasped the handle of the front door and flung it open, not giving herself a chance to change her mind.

"What?" she asked.

"You're not very polite, you know," he said conversationally. "You could at least invite me in."

"Forgive me if I'm not too keen about giving you a free pass into the one place where I'm safe from you." _And the rest of your family, _she added silently.

"If I wanted you dead, you would have been already," he told her, rolling his eyes for emphasis.

"You're not getting an invitation to this house," Bonnie said firmly.

"Not yet," he replied.

"Not ever."

"I always did like a challenge."

_Oh hell,_ Bonnie thought, resisting the strong urge to slam the door in his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bonnie asked. She wasn't going to waste her time arguing with him about whether he would ever receive an invitation to her home or not.

"Oh, don't tell me you forgot about a little partnership already! I'm hurt!" Kol exclaimed mockingly.

She'd be lying if she said it didn't bother her that he seemed to construe everything as some sort of game.

"Oh. That," she said flatly.

"Having second thoughts?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"No." _Yes._

"You're not a very good liar," he said. "That'll be a problem. So will your indecisiveness."

"You know what? I don't even know what I was thinking," Bonnie said, shaking her head. "I don't need your help with anything."

He chuckled darkly and reached a hand out as if to touch her, but it met an invisible barrier in the doorway that he leaned upon.

"If that was true, _Bonnie,"_ he told her, putting a strong emphasis on her name, "If that were true you wouldn't have even considered my little proposal in the first place."

Bonnie pressed her full lips into a thin line and glared at him. She didn't really care for how he was talking like he knew _anything_ about her.

"The first step to pulling this off is being able to tell a decent lie," he told her. "You need to be able to act like your usual self. You know, the one that always gets walked all over."

_Ouch._

She crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. "I don't—"

"You do. You wouldn't even be in your current predicament if that was the case, love. You wouldn't be plotting murder and betrayal."

She resisted the urge to cringe at every word that came out of his mother.

"Is killing someone who's already dead murder?" she asked him, jutting her chin out defiantly.

Kol smiled one of his dark, wicked smiles, pressing up against the invisible barrier even more as if he could somehow break through it.

"Now _that's _the right train of thought, love."

She didn't like his use of endearment.

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><p>"Hey," Bonnie said, sliding into the booth next to Caroline, forcing her to scoot over.<p>

"Bonnie!" Elena said, her big brown eyes becoming even bigger.

Bonnie gave her a soft smile. "Hi, Elena."

"Uhm…how are you?" Elena asked. But she quickly backtracked like Caroline had earlier. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry that's a horrible question."

"I can't say I'm totally fine, but I'm dealing," Bonnie said with a shrug.

"Is there anything I can do?" Elena asked sincerely.

_You could run the Salvatores through with an especially sharp piece of word for me._

"I don't think there's really anything anybody can do." She paused. "Besides, we got bigger issues to worry about, anyway."

That sounded normal. That sounded very Bonnie-like.

It was what she always did: put aside her feelings for the supposed bigger picture. Too bad nobody could ever be bothered to do the same.

The next few hours were spent at _The Grille_, passed by with a façade of normalcy with Elena and Caroline. They talked about pointless, meaningless things. They all knew to just avoid certain topics.

Then, Damon Salvatore just had to ruin it with his very presence by walking in an heading straight for the bar.

It took everything within Bonnie to stay seated. It took everything in her to not start sending aneurism after aneurism upon him and then setting him on fire.

She wanted to run up to him and claw at him, punch him, kick him, slap him. It wouldn't hurt him, not seriously anyway, but she had a feeling that there would be something gratifying about physically assaulting.

"Bonnie…" Elena said, seeing the look on Bonnie's face.

"I'm going home," Bonnie said, standing up. "I'm really tired."

She found herself outside in the cool night air after a round of hugs from Elena and Caroline and a chorus of, "Call if you need anything."

It actually hurt that neither of them could tell that she had been lying to her teeth the entire day. Once upon a time, they'd all been able to read each other like books. But now…

_We're different. Our entire relationship is different. And it's—we're never going to be the same ever again._

These thought continued to run through her head as she fumbled with her keys in front of her little Prius. She heard a slow clapping from behind her. Bonnie stiffened and turned around, coming face to face with Kol.

"You put on quite a show," he complimented. "Even I would have believed you."

"Maybe that just means you're gullible," she replied with a snort.

"Ah, there's no need to be like that," he said, stepping closer. She stepped back only to find her back pressed to her car door. She recalled a similar instance like that that had happened with Damon and she could feel rage being to flow throughout her once again.

"You're off to a great start. And who knows?" he continued, ignoring the glare on her face and reaching out to playfully tug on one of her dark curls.

She could feel his hot breath on her face and a part of her wanted to shove him away and run for dear life and keep running until she was far, far away from him and Mystic Falls and _everything_.

"You might actually have some fun along the way."

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry it took so long to update…a lot of personal stuff has been going on in my life and it's been keeping me busy…I won't bore you all with the details, but I just can't guarantee regular updates at the moment.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	4. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making any profit from this. Characters, etc. belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading, favoriting, leaving me lovely reviews, etc.!**

**I know last chapter I said I wouldn't be following TVD canon, but the most recent episode gave me some ideas, so I will be incorporating some elements from 3x18. So, basically I'm warping the current TVD storyline, but, hey, that's the whole point of fanfic!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,<p>

And then suddenly dipped down,

So suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself

Before she found herself falling down a very deep well

-Lewis Carroll, _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass_

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><p>At this point in her life, Bonnie had sincerely thought she had already reached rock bottom and then some. But tonight, she had been proven wrong. She had discovered that there were several rock bottoms underneath rock bottom.<p>

She hadn't seen Kol at all recently and she'd be lying if she said that it didn't make her the least bit nervous. She was sure that he was the kind who needed supervision at all times.

When she had been accosted by Klaus, she had just finished up a quick dinner at _the Grille _and had planned to go back home, maybe catch on some homework, watch some trashy nighttime television, and then go to bed.

Instead, she ended up at Klaus's mention, being forced to unlink the Originals.

Saying that it was a bad night would be the major fucking understatement of the century.

"Come now, Bonnie," Klaus said. "Just how far do you think you and Kol will get with your little revenge plan if we're all still linked together?"

She knew she was the perfect picture of surprised right then; green eyes wide, lips parted, speechless, not pleased.

"Yes, I know," Klaus said with a small laugh at her expression. "I find it quite entertaining actually. You of all people agreeing to such a thing…I guess it goes to show what can happen if you push _anyone _far enough."

She glared at him. Did he honestly think that she didn't realize just how far she had fallen? Would keep falling? The last thing she needed was for him to point that out.

"But, I suppose you need more…incentive to do this, so…" he picked up his cell phone and quickly dialed a number.

"Kol! How's the weather there in mile-high city?"

A chill ran through her. Kol was in Denver. Where Jeremy was. This was so not going to end well.

"And how's a friend?" Klaus asked, grinning sinisterly at Bonnie. "May I see him?"

He proceeded to show Bonnie a video of Bonnie and taunted her some more.

"So, Bonnie, how about that spell?"

Bonnie could feel rage boiling inside of her. She should have seen something like this coming. Really, she should have.

She was going to do the spell. Only because they had Jeremy. Afterwards, though, she would find a way to take the whole damn family down.

Of course, the night didn't end there, though. Nope. It was never that simple. Not when it came to her and her fucked up life.

She then had to come face to face with a strung-up and tortured Damon Salvatore.

Bonnie thought that maybe she would have gotten some sort of sick satisfaction at seeing something like this. That maybe she'd even go up there and drive a stake through his heart and get it over with, but that had never been in her nature. And it still wasn't.

Despite the fact that Klaus was standing right there, breathing down her neck, she was going to go and let him down and bring him back to the boardinghouse and recuperate. She had faltered, though, and Klaus could see it and he took the opportunity to antagonize her some more.

"Go on," he crooned in her ear. "Help him. Help the man who turned your mother into a vampire."

She could feel the bile rising in her throat and for a second she thought that she would actually vomit all over the marble floor of the foyer, but she managed to push the acid back down. She couldn't afford those sorts of reactions at all.

"Just get me out of here," Bonnie replied in what she hoped was an emotionless voice.

She could feel her composure slipping when she was finally outside in the cool night air.

She pulled her cell phone out and speed dialed Elena. When the brunette picked up, Bonnie found the words tumbling out of her mouth in a flurry.

"Klaus made me unlink the Originals, Elena, and he threatened Jeremy," she said into the phone. "And he has Damon…it's bad. It's really bad."

"Bonnie, are you okay?" Elena asked clearly concerned.

"I—I don't know..." She knew right then and there she was going to have a breakdown. And she couldn't. Not yet. "I've got to go. I can't—I've got to—" She ended the phone call just in time to catch herself on her hands, falling down onto the pavement next to her car.

Having a nervous breakdown right outside of the Mikaelson home definitely wasn't the brightest idea, but she knew there was no way she could hold on any longer. Her life was just one big utter disaster and she had no idea what she was doing anymore.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Kol was waiting for her when she got out of school, lazily leaning up against her white Prius.<p>

When she caught sight of him, she could swear her vision went totally and completely red in her anger.

"You," she said quickly making her way towards him, not caring about the other students who were curiously looking at the spectacle she was making. "You sorry son of a bitch!" She slapped him as hard as she could. He didn't even flinch.

"I take it you're a bit upset about me threatening your boyfriend," he replied dryly, looking down at her. "Oh, pardon me, I believe he's your ex-boyfriend. Couldn't let go of his dead girlfriend even though he had you, correct?"

It felt like he had simultaneously dumped a bucket of ice on her and punched her in the stomach.

"That doesn't make what you did okay," she snapped, taking a step back from him.

"Oh, I wasn't actually going to kill him," Kol replied, rolling his eyes. "As fun as it might have been, I'm not quite ready to lose your good graces yet."

"My good graces?" Bonnie scoffed. "You're not in my good graces. Never have been. Never will be."

He just smirked at her and changed the subject. "So, you saw what my sister did to Damon Salvatore?"

Her stomach lurched unpleasantly at the memory of that.

"Oh, come now, Bonnie, what's with the face? Weren't you planning on doing something similar to him…and to his brother?"

"No I wasn't." His condescending look at her response made her even angrier. "I wasn't going to just stand there and torture him. It was going to be quick and simple. Nothing that…disgusting."

He laughed at her.

"Just what the hell do you find so funny?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't realize you were so touchy when it came to causing pain, little witch," he said condescendingly. "If I recall correctly, aren't you fond of giving the elder Salvatore aneurisms?"

She wondered how he knew that, but she figured she probably didn't want to know.

"That's different," she replied defensively.

"Is it?"

"Yes," Bonnie snapped. "It's not stringing him up with animal traps and slicing him to pieces for hours on end!"

There was a pause where Kol just stood there, still looking amused.

"That's it. I'm done," she said, shaking her head. "I'm done with you and this whole little revenge plot. It's insane. It was absolutely and totally insane to begin with."

"For now," he replied with a shrug.

"What?"

"You're done for now, but let's just face it, Bonnie," he stepped closer to her, invading her space. "Sooner or later, one of the Salvatores, probably Damon, will do or say something to put you right back on the edge again."

She supposed that he was right. But that didn't mean anything. She wouldn't let it mean anything.

"So? I'll find a way to deal with it. I have for over a year now," she shot back, jutting her chin out defiantly.

"But there's only so much any one person can take," he responded, trailing a hand down her face. It was eerily reminiscent of the time Damon had cornered her in the school parking lot, trying to get Emily's crystal from her. "And you've reached your limit a long time ago. There's really in no point in trying to pretend otherwise."

She slapped his hand away, stepping around him to reach her car. "You're wrong. I'm stronger than this. Too strong to let you keep manipulating me."

Bonnie got in her car and he didn't try to stop her. She ignored her shaking hands and gripped the steering wheel tighter as she made a beeline for home.

* * *

><p>By now, she should have learned to avoid <em>The Grille. <em>Every single time she was there, there was someone to bother or antagonize her. Hell, she should have learned that she's _always _better off staying home no matter where she decides to go.

"Bonnie," Damon said, taking a seat from across from her.

"What?" Bonnie replied, slowly looking up from her dinner to meet his eyes blue eyes. She tried to carefully school her face in into a blank mask of emotionlessness, but she had a feeling she was failing at it.

"You left me hanging there at Klaus's," he said.

"So? You killed my mother. You're lucky I didn't go right up to you and finish the job for Rebekah," Bonnie snapped.

"It was your mother or Elena," he replied. "What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have told me!" She snapped. "You _should _have told me! I would have found a way to make everything work out!"

"There wasn't any time, Bonnie!" Damon snapped back. "We already tried daggering Kol, but it didn't work on Klaus and by then there was nothing else that could have been done. We didn't have a choice."

"There's always a choice," she found herself screeching, causing some of the patrons to turn and look at what the commotion was.

"And that choice was either your mother or Elena," he responded in a low voice so no eavesdroppers would hear. "Would you have really rather Elena have died than the mother who abandoned you?"

"Of course I didn't want Elena to die," Bonnie replied. "But that doesn't make what you did okay, either."

"What are you expecting from me, Bonnie? Nothing I say is going to change what happened."

"You're right, it won't. But forgive me if I don't find it okay that you'd be willing to kill every single person in this town for Elena," she shot back.

"And you wouldn't?"

Would she? No. She loved Elena, she did. She was her best, her family, but it just didn't make sense to let hundreds die for one person. It's not what Elena would have wanted. Besides, unlike Stefan and Damon, she knew she could keep Elena safe without stacking up collateral damage.

"No. Unlike you and your brother, I give a damn about collateral damage and actually make more of an effort to avoid it," she told him sharply before getting up to leave. His hand shot out and latched onto her wrist before she could actually get away, though.

"I told you, Judgy—"

"That's enough, Damon," Bonnie snapped. "I'm done listening to you." She turned to look him in the eyes. "And for the record? I didn't just leave you at Klaus's. I called Elena directly afterwards to let her know what happened. How do you think Stefan knew to come save you?"

She thought she finally could make her escape, but Damon wasn't quite done.

"Are we going to have a problem from now on, Bonnie, or can I still trust you?"

Maybe he wasn't entirely stupid as she thought if he actually knew he'd have to watch out for her.

Her lips curled up into a sardonic, bitter smile before she answered with, "Funny. That's really funny. I'm not the one who keeps screwing you over continually, Damon, so you tell me."

With that, she finally left and he was smart enough to not try and stop her again.

When she was in her car, she fumbled with her keys for a few moments before she could successfully stick them in the ignition and start the car. She sat there for a few minutes trying to calm herself down and not give into the temptation of going back there and doing what she really wanted to do to Damon.

She had a feeling that the residents of Mystic Falls who were blissfully ignorant wouldn't appreciate having to deal with a dead vampire body or the revelation that vampires and witches weren't just fiction.

She eventually found herself outside the Mikaelson mansion and it only served to confirm that she had definitely lost her fucking mind. No sane person would ever end up there if they were seeking comfort or whatever the hell it was she was looking for.

Bonnie had no idea how long she just sat there in her car, staring at the extravagant home, but when she turned her car back on to leave, there was a tapping on her passenger window that caused her to jump and let out a small shriek.

When she turned to look, she saw Kol bending down to look at her through the window with an especially self-satisfied expression on his face.

She could feel her cheeks flushing from embarrassment at scaring so easily and she fought with her seatbelt and the door handle to stumble out of the car.

"I must say, you changed your mind sooner than even I expected," he said, smugly crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I didn't change my mind," she replied, shaking her head.

"Ah, okay. Then just what are you doing here?" he asked dryly.

She straightened up and jutted her chin out defensively. "I'm here because…"

Just what the hell was she doing there? She couldn't exactly say it was because she was clearly insane and didn't know where else to go. Well, she could…but she didn't want to give Kol the satisfaction of it.

His arrogant smirk grew into a full blown grin. "Would you like me to tell you why you're here?"

"No."

"You're here," he began, ignoring here, "Because you don't know how to make up your mind, so you want me to do it for you."

"Hey, wait a minute—"

He continued to interrupt her, though.

"You really do want to kill the Salvatores, but you continue to let your pesky conscience get in the way. So, you came to me because you need someone who lacks a decent conscience and won't let you back out. You need me to make up your mind for you."

She could only stare at him. Maybe he was right on some levels…well, a lot of levels, really. But teaming up with someone who had no problem proclaiming that he didn't have a conscience? That was dangerous for her and many other people.

"Maybe that's true, but why would you want to help me? What are you getting out of this?" She asked.

"Well, for one, if you're preoccupied with killing the Salvatores, then you won't be preoccupied with killing my siblings and I. Besides that, I'm bored and this seems like it'll be the source of the most entertainment around here."

She didn't need proof that she was dealing with a crazy vampire who brought a new meaning to flipping the supposed off switch on his humanity, but he continued to spell it out for her.

Still, with him she knew exactly what she was getting. If he did something to screw her over, it wouldn't be surprising or hurtful at all because she knew exactly what he was like and she knew there was no chance of him changing at all.

"So, what do you say, little witch?" He asked, backing her up against her car door.

"I…" she trailed off. She was tired of going back and forth over this and she was tired of constantly having to wonder who was going to ruin her life next.

"Just know that after this, you don't get to change your mind. If you agree, then we're going after the Salvatores and nothing is going to save them." He reached out to grasp her chin in one of his hands. She tried to jerk out of his grip, but he was too strong.

"So what will it be, Bonnie?" He asked, drawing out her name.

Bonnie was felt like a deer in headlights. She was playing with fire and she had a feeling she was going to be burned before this was all over.

_And how is that any different from the times you've worked with the Salvatores? _The little voice in her head asked her.

_It's not._

She could protect Elena without the Salvatores and she could keep the casualties down while she was at it. Not to mention if Kol was preoccupied with this, then he couldn't terrorize the rest of Mystic Falls and she was fairly sure he was more unstable and dangerous than the rest of his family.

"Okay," Bonnie said shakily, nodding. "I'll do this. No turning back."

His smug grin got even wider and he pulled her into a rough, bruising kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I know Bonnie keeps doing a lot of back and forth and not making up her mind in this fic, but that's very important because she of all people realizes that once someone is dead, they're not coming back, so wanting to kill the Salvatores isn't a decision she would make lightly. But now we're definitely going to be getting into the meat of this story, which will hopefully be fun!**

**Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the latest installment and for those who will be celebrating Easter tomorrow, happy Easter!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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